Doubt

I'm a skeptical person.  I spend half the time yelling at people for complimenting my intelligence, and I spend the other half worrying over whether my intelligence is still intact.

This is one of those moments where I'm wondering if my intelligence is still working.

Reasons it might be:
-I memorized fifty symbols and names in for chemistry...in five minutes.
-I'm so immersed in Spanish that at one point today when my math teacher said something, I translated it from English into Spanish in my head and then back to English...without even meaning to.
-I was recently asked by student from the next grade up to edit his essay for his AP US History class...even while rushing on an essay, my grammar is always perfect.  His was no where near.

Reasons it might not be:
-I don't quite know what I'm writing on this essay.
-I procrastinated for the second day in a row on this essay.  It was originally due today.  It was moved to tomorrow.
-I think my brother is better at math than I was when he was his age.  Normally, that wouldn't bother me, because my main things are English and writing and history, but then my mom read off every individual score he got on the ISATs in math.  He got everything right.  EVERYTHING.  And then she read off his lexile level.  And then she asked me what mine was.  There's only like a five-hundred point difference between our levels, which Mom found amusing.  She then stated how little the difference is.  (My mother is uninformed.  I couldn't figure out how to word it, but I tried to explain how little the level raises every year.  Then I realized how pitiful that would sound.  So I said nothing.)  Apparently my face looked funny.  That may or may not be because I was trying so hard not to cry.  MY BROTHER DOESN'T EVEN LIKE READING.  I LOVE READING.  The only pleasure I got out of this was that I was better at his age at writing than he is.

I'm tired.  I got nine hours of sleep.  It is 9:39 PM.  Last school year, I could stay up 'til 3:00 easily.  Now it's a battle to stay up past 8:30.  I don't know what happened, but it's screwing with my ability to get my homework done.  I was forced to "take a break from" Speech and Drama, and I'm just waiting for Mom to tell me to quit Hebrew Club.  Right now is not a happy time.

I'm writing an essay about happiness, and I myself am not happy.

*sigh*

-Hannah